Van

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One Dozen, Freshly Baked

Here are a dozen of my most recent creations. Best enjoyed with hot coffee and a credit card.

Such Stuff As Dreams Are Made Of

"There are some people who live in a dream world, and there are some who face reality; and then there are those who turn one into the other." Desiderius Erasmus

Reality and Other Illusions

"Nature is the source of all true knowledge. She has her own logic, her own laws, she has no effect without cause nor invention without necessity." Leonardo da Vinci

Adrift On the Stream Of Consciousness

"Don't think. Thinking is the enemy of creativity. It's self-conscious, and anything self-conscious is lousy." Ray Bradbury ... "My work is incomprehensible and therefore full of deep significance." Calvin, Calvin and Hobbes

Pulchra Populus

"Every portrait that is painted with feeling is a portrait of the artist, not of the sitter." Oscar Wilde ... "A portrait is a painting with something wrong with the mouth." John Singer Sargent ... "It takes a long time for a man to look like his portrait." James Whistler

Won't Match Your Sofa

"Of all the arts, abstract painting is the most difficult." Wassily Kandinsky ... "Abstract art is the product of the untalented, sold by the unprincipled to the totally bewildered." Al Capp

Perdition and Paradise

"If you want a vision of the future, imagine a boot stamping on a human face...forever." George Orwell ... "In the world you will have tribulation. But take heart; I have overcome the world." Jesus

Poster Children

"Salvador Dali is very rich, and I love treeemendously money and gold. Dali sleeps best after the day he receives a treeemendous quantity of cheques." Salvador Dali ... This quote has nothing to do with posters, but so what?

Beings Animalculus

"He prayeth best, who loveth best / All things both great and small / For the dear God who loveth us / He made and loveth all." Samuel Taylor Coleridge

Her Infinite Variety NSFW

"What spirit is so empty and blind, that it cannot recognize the fact that the foot is more noble than the shoe, and skin more beautiful than the garment with which it is clothed?" Michaelangelo

Scribblemen and Company

Once Picasso sat in a coffee shop, scribbling on a paper napkin. A woman asked if she could have the napkin, and Picasso said, of course...for $20,000. She said: "But it only took you five minutes!" And Picasso said: "No, it took me forty years!"

Techno-Illogical Wonders

The pictures here are decidedly digital and would be difficult to create with anything other than a big computer and a dozen utterly bewildering programs. I create these masterpieces by banging on the keyboard like a monkey. It has taken me years to perfect this technique.

Engraven Images, some NSFW

Eons ago, artwork meant for publication first had to be entrusted to skilled engravers, woodblock carvers, lithographers or mezzotint specialists. Today, we achieve the look of their low-tech methods through high-tech digital technology. It's the circle of life, or something.

Donna Magnifica NSFW

"What is better than wisdom? Woman. And what is better than woman? Nothing." Geoffrey Chaucer

Things That Just Sit There

I wanted to find a nice quote for this gallery, but I couldn't make myself get off the couch.

All Love Olive NSFW

And we all scream for ice cream, but it's not as much fun to paint.

Gotta Sing, Gotta Dance!

"Come let's mix / where Rockefellers / walk with sticks / or umberellers / in their mitts / Puttin' on the Ritz!" Irving Berlin

Japonisme, some NSFW

The Japanese aesthetic lies at the root of Impressionism, and of all modern art. Vincent Van Gogh collected Japanese items obsessively, even when he was starving. If Auvers-sur-Oise had boasted a single sushi bar, the poor man might have suffered less.

That's Not Funny, That's Silly

"Well, art is art, isn't it? Still, on the other hand, water is water! And east is east and west is west and if you take cranberries and stew them like applesauce they taste much more like prunes than rhubarb does." Groucho Marx

Entirely Too Much Marci

When I started painting my Colombian model Marci, I forgot to stop. Fortunately she reminded me by vanishing without a word. Rather than think she would willingly be so discourteous, I like to think she was eaten by crocodiles.

Rimes Of the Ancient Artist

"Poets have been mysteriously silent on the subject of cheese." G. K. Chesterton

Poster Children NSFW

"She walks in beauty, like the night / Of cloudless climes and starry skies / And all that's best of dark and bright / Meet in her aspect and her eyes" Lord Byron

Middle-Aged Art

"The fantastic graces of Chivalry lay upon the surface of life, but beneath it was a half-savage population, fierce and animal, with little ruth or mercy." Sir Arthur Conan Doyle

Wuth a Million Dollahs

This is what I do when I'm planning to do something else. The drawings are crude, and their meaning (if any) is best interpreted by psychiatry. But this is "pure" art in that it pours directly from my imagination without the intrusion of good taste, good sense or a scrap of rational thought.

The Epidermal Dress NSFW

"The body of a beautiful woman is not made for love; it is too exquisite." Henri de Toulouse-Lautrec

What a Piece Of Work Is Van

"There comes a moment, in every person's life, when they realise they adore me." Salvador Dali ... He said it, not me.